We all ask ourselves that at some point in our lives, but not typically at my age. (I'm not what I'd consider old, but the younger crowd would. I'm too old to be grouped with the young crowd, and too young to be grouped with the old crowd. I'm lost somewhere in the middle.) You would think, by now I should know what I'm doing and where I'm going, but when it comes to my career, I don't. Career --that's not really appropriate here. I feel that a career is something you strive for, work at, and build up. Something you want -not something you fell into. Which is where I am in my job.
It’s gotten to the point where the frustrations at my job outweigh the salary, benefits, and sense of accomplishments. I often find myself wondering what I’m doing here. I don’t belong in this company, or in this job.
I consider my options over lunch at my desk. Perusing the internet for job openings in my area provide the reality of my world: I am not qualified to do anything important/significant/life changing and I’m overqualified to do anything menial. There are no openings for my dream job –the Wal-Mart greeter –and I’m not sure what else I want to do. I have a large number of years of experience as an Executive Legal Assistant, but it’s just busy work. With the exception of one boss who was the absolute best ever, the rest have all been major pains. Each position I’ve held has brought its own challenges and I had the opportunity to work with a boss from hell –twice! Lucky me. My days of babysitting executive professionals in top careers are over and I have no desire to revisit those nightmares. I am currently employed in a position for which I am really not qualified and do not understand and I’m not sure how I’m fudging my way through each day. Guess a similar position in another company, possibly one that’s not so dysfunctional, shouldn’t be an option. Anything in the customer service field where I have to interact with the idiots of the world is not an option. I’ve always been very polite and professional, but as my age creeps upward, I find it more difficult to not be cynical and snarky when someone pisses me off. So anything in retail, sales, or food service is out. I’m not a nurse and have no medical background, and only minimal IT experience so those professions are out. What’s left? Being a SAHM is not an option –hell, I often think of work as an escape from being at home with the kids. I’d like to try something new like maybe being a librarian. But if I recall from seeing other job openings in years past, they require a degree of some sort. Can’t imagine why they would require a degree to put books on the shelf, pull books off the shelf, check out books, etc. I know my abc’s and 123’s, plus I have experience in filing and using computer systems so I’d be a shoe-in. But alas, there are no openings and I suspect it’s because the librarians all know what a cushy job they have and they don’t want to give ‘em up.
There has got to be something out there for a cynical, snarky perfectionist and I’m going to find it –eventually.
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