My Dear Husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary soon and it also happens to be my husbands birthday. When I asked DH what he wanted for his birthday/anniversary gift, he didn’t give me the usual “I don’t know.” Oh, no. What he did was crack a sly smile and gave me that look. [Okay, get your head out of the gutter because that’s not what he was implying.] That meant he knew EXACTLY what he wanted and it was going to be a doozie. Now we don’t always get gifts for each other for all the usual gift-giving opportunities. We have more than we need and just don’t usually want anything. So this was going to be big. I knew that he had been hinting about going on a deep sea fishing trip so I figured that was it. I was wrong. Well, not really. He still wants the fishing trip, but (and I quote) “just not for my birthday/anniversary gift.” Which means it’s still on the table for Christmas.
So he wants a new gun. Another gun. One to use specifically for hunting geese. Seriously?
I’m one of those people that don’t really agree with hunting as a sport, but I accept it for what it is. We live in hunting country and it’s a part of life around here. I mean, our ancestors may have “needed” to hunt and kill animals to feed their families, but we really don’t have to do that anymore. The grocery stores and meat markets are chock full of meat ready to cook and at an affordable price. No license needed, no accessories required -unless you include kitchen utensils and cookware accessories. When I bring up this point, my husband tries to debate it by saying that because we would be buying less meat at the store, we are saving animals. Ha! Not really. Those animals are going to end up in the markets whether or not we are hunting for our own food. And since they are already there, it’s better to buy them than go out and kill another. KWIM?
So here’s how our crazy conversation goes:
ME: So how much is this gun going to cost?
DH: It’s only $700.
ME: $700? Is that all?
DH: Yeah, it’s not that bad for a gun.
[Me thinking to myself: That’s your sales pitch? Oh come on. You can do better than that!]
ME: Does that include everything?
DH: Yeah, what else is there?
ME: Ammunition, accessories, etc. There is always more.
DH: Well, yeah, the ammunition is kind of expensive. But I’ll be able to kill geese. They are bigger than ducks so you get more for your money.
ME: But I don’t eat geese. I don’t even know how to cook that.
DH: You use it just like duck. We can make a gumbo, or stew, or…
ME: But I don’t eat duck either! You know that. Have you ever seen me cook anything with duck?
ME: Wait. We already have a bunch of ducks in the freezer taking up space. Geese are much bigger and we just don’t have the room. Which means we will have to buy another freezer to hold all these ducks and geese you are going to be bringing home that I don’t eat, nor know how to cook.
DH: Okay, well, I could give them to my mom.
ME: Well if your mom is going to end up getting them anyway, why not ask her to buy the freezer?
DH: (He has no response to this.)
ME: Let’s see… $700 for the gun, plus $200 for accessories like a gun case and ammo, and another $800 for a freezer. Estimated cost is now at $1700.
ME: That’s a lot of money to spend to hunt an animal that I don’t eat, that will take up space in the new freezer we will have to buy, only to have your mother end up getting the game.
DH: (He has no response to this either. I suspect he realizes he‘s losing ground.)
ME: (having fun with this) So if you get to hunt 10 times during the season, and for each trip you average 2 geese, that will be 20 geese. $1700 divided by 20 comes to $85 per goose. How much does a goose usually weigh? I could figure the price per pound.
DH: (He just stares at me.)
ME: (smiling) Gee, that’s some really expensive geese…
DH: So, what do you think?
I love pulling his leg and he knows it.
And yes, he’s getting his gun. :)
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